


A Champion's Reluctance

by azazelisawesome



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Raven Queen's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-25 21:43:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9846839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azazelisawesome/pseuds/azazelisawesome
Summary: The story of Vax's relationship with the Raven Queen so far, told from the goddess's perspective.





	1. Near Death

The Raven Queen’s interest in Vax’ildan of Vox Machina began rather suddenly. 

As the guardian over fate, she had long detested those who abandoned their natural deaths. More recently, the Raven Queen found her gaze drawn to a vampire and the necromancer who had been foolish enough to marry him. 

Lord and Lady Briarwood were some of the most defiant abominations she had witnessed in the past few centuries. When Sylas had died naturally, as he was intended, his wife had brought him back with the assistance of Vecna. 

Vecna. A much worse corruption of everything that the Raven Queen stood for than the Briarwoods, but not someone that she particularly wanted to go to war against at this moment.

So the goddess watched the pair from a distance, searching for an opportunity to remove them from the earth. She observed their takeover of Whitestone and their foul defilement of the temple beneath. As the Raven Queen watched, she pondered how she might eliminate the couple before they spat on her domain any further. Unfortunately, her followers were currently few in number, and none of them had the capacity to kill the powerful Lord and Lady Briarwood. 

Despite her present inability to destroy the couple, the Raven Queen continued to watch them. This persistent observation would prove more useful than she had anticipated.   
On one particularly dull day, the Raven Queen watched as Lord and Lady Briarwood attended a dinner with some rather important people before retiring to their room for the night. Just as she began to shift her gaze elsewhere, both the goddess and the couple were surprised when a newcomer entered the bedroom. 

The young half-elf appeared equally stunned by the Briarwoods’ presence, if his hastily-constructed and remarkably unbelievable lies were anything to go by. The lord and lady were amused and began toying with him, as they were wont to do. The Raven Queen started to lose interest; she had witnessed the couple enjoying this type of game before, and it always ended with her guiding the victim’s soul to the other side. Unfortunately, all of the Briarwoods’ escapades often ended with someone dead before their time—just another way that they defiled her dominion. 

But the half-elf didn’t die. 

He remained conscious longer than the Raven Queen had anticipated, stalling with some increasingly poor lies before making a run for it. When the half-elf fell unconscious, she assumed that it was over, only to be surprised by the arrival of his friends, a group of remarkably impressive warriors. 

Although a large portion of the young man’s survival could be credited to his eclectic companions, the Raven Queen couldn’t help but be intrigued. She had never witnessed a single person escape the clutches of Lord and Lady Briarwood after being so completely cornered. 

After that incident, the Raven Queen’s gaze shifted. Although she still kept an eye on the Briarwoods, her attention was more focused on the reckless half-elf. Was he simply lucky, or was he something far more interesting? 

As the next several weeks progressed, the Raven Queen’s interest increased dramatically. Yet another near-death experience—evaded. Yet another encounter with the Briarwoods—survived. Curiosity overcame her doubt, and the goddess finally sought out the young half-elf’s golden line of fate to see if he was as unique as she suspected. And sure enough…

Fate-touched.

The Raven Queen gently ran her fingers down the glowing golden string that was much more flexible and durable than the others. As the keeper of fate, it wasn’t often that she was surprised, but this moment proved to be the exception. The perfect person to help her fight against the forces that sought to pervert her domain had fallen right into her lap.

The question, now, was how to bring him into her service. Like other fate-touched people before him, the half-elf had more than one divine being interested in him. The Raven Queen sensed the gentle glow of Sarenrae on him already, and knew that the goddess of second chances would probably be her largest competitor. 

The trick here was to find the right opportunity, and the Raven Queen was very patient…


	2. First Meeting

When her followers had constructed the tomb for her fallen champion—many centuries ago now—the Raven Queen had largely given them free reign over what traps to include in the design. As she observed the half-elf and his friends maneuver their way through the now-damaged remains, the goddess felt pride in the hard work that had gone into its construction. 

The beholder was a surprise, though. That particular creature may have set up residence in the tomb of its own free will. 

The Raven Queen watched, impressed, as the group of adventurers destroyed the beholder and made their way towards their goal: the Deathwalker’s Ward, armor that had been designed and imbued with power by the goddess herself. 

This was when the situation unexpectedly turned in her favor. 

With a blast of death energy, a trap that her followers had set long ago was triggered accidentally by the white-haired man, sending several members of the group flying. One of them, a young female half-elf who the Raven Queen recognized as her object of interest’s sister, was killed instantly. 

As the group began to panic, the goddess stared at the girl’s soul, which had now largely separated from her body. Frowning, the Raven Queen quickly searched through her catalog of golden threads to find the now severed line of the female half-elf before her. Sure enough, the goddess could see just by glancing at the faintly-glowing string that it was not supposed to have been broken this early. Well, she couldn’t let that stand. 

The Raven Queen felt a surge of resurrection energy flood the tomb and turned her attention back to the events at hand. The cleric who belonged to the-goddess-she-deigned-not-name had begun the appropriate spell. Good—this would give her the opportunity to mend the thread and put everything back in its place. 

The goddess watched as, one by one, several members of the group stepped forward to present offerings for their friend. The last one to contribute was the half-elf, who was kneeling on the floor and clutching his sister to his chest. Curiosity filled the Raven Queen again, as she wondered what he would bring to the ritual. 

Although the goddess could not bring her full form into the realm of mortals, she could occasionally project her image, though it took a great deal of energy to do so. As the resurrection spell continued, she decided that now was the time to use this ability. 

She wanted the half-elf to see her. 

The first person to notice was the cleric, whose eyes widened in fear for a moment before narrowing and becoming harder. One by one, the other members of the group saw her ethereal form, but they all remained silent, perhaps out of shock or perhaps out of reverence for the ritual at hand. 

HE was the last person to look. After the white-haired ones made their offerings, the half-elf finally turned his head and glared straight at her. Fury and desperation battled on his face, and in that moment, the Raven Queen knew exactly what he was going to offer. 

“Take me instead,” he spat, “you raven bitch.” 

The thrill of victory surged through her. The Raven Queen extended an arm in the half-elf’s direction and graced him with a nod. In that moment, she marked him. It wasn’t something visible, but any other god or goddess who encountered the half-elf after this moment would know who he belonged to. 

When the female’s soul reentered her body, the Raven Queen swept her image away and watched the rest of the scene play out. Through her newly-forged connection to the half-elf, she could feel the emotions that ran through him as his sister breathed once again. At first, he was filled with relief and happiness that she had returned. However, this positive emotion was short-lived and swiftly turned into fear—fear of the goddess, and fear of what his deal meant. 

The Raven Queen could live with fear. She was used to that kind of reaction by now.


	3. The Sign and the Dream

At first, the Raven Queen kept her distance, intending to give her new Champion time to recover from his sister’s death. However, she quickly changed her mind about this approach when he paid a visit to the druid. 

The half-elf’s fear had only grown since the incident in the tomb, and he seemed to believe that the goddess meant him ill in some way. When the druid offered to cast Greater Restoration on him, the Raven Queen felt offended at the implication that she was a foul presence that needed to be dispelled by divine magic. She decided to send a small message to get her feelings across—just a single raven—and it appeared to do the trick. Unfortunately, it only caused the building despair inside her Champion to increase, which could be destructive if left alone. 

The Raven Queen knew that she would need to take action in order to set him on the right path, so she decided to do so through a dream. After entering the half-elf’s sleep state, she presented him with the room of fate, a place that few mortals had the privilege of visiting. He was frightened and awestruck at the sight of the endless golden strands, and the goddess was pleased that he maintained his composure despite the confusing situation. What mattered most to the Raven Queen, however, was ensuring that her Champion understood that his choices were important. As one who was fate-touched, he had the unique ability to manipulate fate without breaking it, and he needed to take responsibility for that skill. 

“The choice is yours: rebirth or ruin, maker or martyr, conqueror, tyrant. Or…nothing.”


	4. And Then He Calls

The first time her Champion prayed to her, he was desperate for concrete answers. 

The Raven Queen believed that people should work for their knowledge, so instead of replying to him directly, she pointed him in the direction of her temple. Fortunately, the half-elf appeared to get the message, even if he was somewhat disgruntled by it. The goddess was amused at his new attitude, and was glad that he was finally starting to move away from the high levels of fear that had saturated his consciousness every time he thought of her. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second time her Champion prayed to her, he wanted to save a friend. 

The goliath had fallen prey to the vampire’s sword, so instead of his soul going to the Raven Queen as it was supposed to, it was swallowed up by the weapon. Furious at this abominable object that was encroaching on her domain, the goddess helped her Champion and his friends resurrect the large one. Even so, she gave the half-elf a brief warning before she left: 

“I believe that every death has its place.” 

Although it wasn’t the goliath’s time just yet, the Raven Queen knew that the day would come when she would have to refuse her Champion’s plea. She wanted to prepare him for that eventuality. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The third time her Champion prayed to her, he was falling.

The Raven Queen had watched the unfolding events half-amused, half-alarmed as the half-elf and one of his companions teleported themselves inside of the dragon they were trying to kill. Obviously, this didn’t work out well, which was how her Champion found himself falling through the air as the giant eagle and the gnome riding it attempted to catch up to him. 

As the half-elf began to plummet, he prayed. 

If you have any wings to lend me, now is the time. 

The Raven Queen felt a new emotion soar through her chosen Champion at this moment: acceptance. Finally, he successfully pushed back his fear and embraced his new status. The goddess smiled, and sent the half-elf a streak of feathers as a sign that she had heard his call. Then she waited until the exact right moment as the eagle soared beneath him. Once it was in the perfect position, she whispered: 

“Left.” 

Her Champion obeyed her without a second thought, reaching out to the left and successfully grabbing onto his gnome friend. As she watched him climb onto the eagle, the Raven Queen couldn’t help but grin. Finally, some progress.


	5. Raven's Crest

The mood in Raven’s Crest was more energetic than usual. 

Once she determined that the half-elf was finally planning to visit her temple, the Raven Queen informed her monks and clerics so they could properly prepare. The usually sober temperament of her followers brightened with excitement as they readied themselves for her Champion’s arrival. It had been a long time since the Raven Queen had chosen a Champion, and the men and women of Raven’s Crest were eager to see who had won the goddess’ favor. 

When the half-elf at long last stepped into the temple, accompanied by two others, the Raven Queen could sense that his fear was close to bubbling over again. Fortunately, her followers behaved impeccably, welcoming him to Raven’s Crest and ushering him graciously into the chamber where the Communion Pool lay. Though afraid, her Champion acted in a way that made her proud—holding his head high, walking calmly into the pool, and swallowing the blood within it. 

The goddess could feel the awe and dread battling within the half-elf as she held him in her hand. These emotions didn’t prevent him from listening carefully, however, as the Raven Queen formally explained her philosophy and her Champion’s purpose. To her delight, the half-elf was respectful with both his attitude and his questions despite his feelings towards her, so she decided to reward him. 

She showed him her mortal form. 

It had been a very long time since the Raven Queen had allowed anyone to see her previous human visage. As she took off her mask and stared into her Champion’s eyes, she could sense him soften slightly at her less intimidating presence and relax a bit more as he stood in front of her. Some warmth emanated from him towards her, and the goddess was pleased at the shift in emotion. 

With one last kiss on her Champion’s forehead, the Raven Queen sent him on his way. Though not without leaving him one last gift, just in case he fell out of a dragon again…


	6. A Brush with Death

Of all the ways the Raven Queen might have expected her champion to perish, a Kraken had not been high on the list. Then again, he was a member of Vox Machina, a group that frequently trampled over her expectations. 

When the half-elf and his companions battled the creature, she watched from a distance, not paying the situation too much mind. But then—SNAP!—the golden thread that connected her to her champion suddenly broke, and the goddess turned her full attention onto the battle in time to watch his soul exit his body. She welcomed her champion to the place of waiting and was proud to see that he was unafraid. He had faith in her and in his friends, and the goddess watched as he sat down in her domain to prepare himself for whatever came next. 

As expected of Vox Machina, they soon arranged a resurrection ritual, and the Raven Queen was pleased to see them respect her in many aspects of their preparation. Though some of their offerings were perhaps a touch unrealistic, the goddess felt the warmth of their supplication and had no hesitation about returning her champion to them. It was not his time to depart this world yet, anyway. 

To reward Vox Machina’s display of respect for her, the Raven Queen blessed them by revealing herself in their presence. She reassured them that her champion still had much that he needed to do before ushering his soul back to his body. 

Just before he left her side, however, the goddess decided to leave him with a small warning on the skin over his heart. Most adventurers could die multiple times with little consequence, as long as their resurrection rituals were successful. 

For the Raven Queen’s champion, death was more meaningful. And often, more permanent.


	7. The Second Deal

She was not caught off-guard the second time her champion died. 

Not long after speaking with the half-elf, the Raven Queen noticed that something about his thread had drastically altered. His future, once so bright and clear, had become clouded and hidden, even from her. Alarm filled the goddess as she inspected her other threads and quickly realized that all of them were enveloped in the same smoke. When her attempts to remove this intrusive fog proved fruitless, the Raven Queen knew that she was going up against a dangerous adversary. It took a powerful force to cloud her sight. 

She watched what little she could see of her champion’s thread attentively, as any enemy of hers was an enemy of his as well. Sure enough, the goddess felt the SNAP!, and moved to guide his soul into the place of waiting once more. When she reached out and touched him, however, she was shocked to discover that he was already in transition, preparing to travel to the other side. This wasn’t right…his death was meant to occur far in the future! The Raven Queen thought of the clouds that fogged her vision and felt her hatred towards their source increase. How dare this adversary take her champion before his time! 

When the half-elf arrived in the place of waiting, he was desperate and afraid, so the goddess did her best to calm him. She had little time before she needed to escort him to the other side, so she tried to gain more information about this new foe. “Tell me what you have seen.” 

“Your enemy.” 

Under other circumstances, the Raven Queen might have been amused by that response. It was far easier for her to list her friends than her enemies, so her champion’s answer didn’t exactly narrow down the options. She pressed further, and finally received her answer. 

Vecna. The Raven Queen’s fury grew exponentially, billowing out from her and shaking the threads in her domain. How dare he. How. Dare. He. 

But there was no time now. The half-elf’s soul was transitioning, and would wait no longer. 

As the goddess prepared to carry him over, she watched as her champion’s eyes widened and an expression of determination crossed his face. Even before he asked, she knew what he was going to say. Many things had changed during the time that he had been her champion, but his refusal to leave the ones he loved in danger remained strong. 

He pleaded for an alternative, and the Raven Queen considered. She could not halt his transition, not completely, for that would be a violation of what she stood for. However, the goddess explained to her champion, she could pause the transition just long enough for him to end her adversary. 

The Raven Queen knew what his answer would be before she asked, but she posed the question anyway. “Do you accept my gift?” 

Sorrow filled his face, and the goddess was warmed to realize that it was not for himself. “You have such loneliness in your eyes,” her champion said. 

Inwardly, the Raven Queen smiled. Compassionate until the end. “Perhaps you will keep me company when you come back to me.” 

Of course, he agreed, and she sent her champion back into the arms of Vox Machina, albeit in an altered form. 

A tiny part of her, just a little part of her that remembered what it was like to be mortal, couldn’t help but grieve for him.


	8. Trust and Faith

In the brief time since she’d last spoken with her champion, the goddess had already felt the state of things shift. The planes shuddered in a way she had not seen in a very long time…not since her own becoming many years ago. Though they were separated by the Divine Gate, the Raven Queen felt Vecna’s ascension, and she trembled with fury. The so-called Undying King had no right to the ritual she had created! What blasphemy, to use such power to desecrate her domain by undermining death and fate! 

Unfortunately, there was little the goddess could do from this side of the Divine Gate, so she awaited her champion’s call. Sure enough, she watched as he marched into Raven’s Crest along with the rest of Vox Machina. Under normal circumstances, the Raven Queen would have been displeased to have so many mortals of different faiths walking about the inner chamber, but the situation was dire, and she could make an exception during this time of need. The half-elf walked straight into the communion pool and breathed in the blood without a second thought, and the goddess was proud of how fearless he had become. 

Allowing him into the void once again, the Raven Queen stared at her champion as he gazed intently out into the darkness. “You burn with intent, my feathered boy,” she observed. 

“We need to talk,” he responded, all business. 

“Then talk we shall.” 

Grimly, the half-elf explained Vox Machina’s current situation. While none of his information was particularly surprising, the goddess was pleased to hear that he had taken her advice and sought out the assistance of the other deities. She may not have been on the best terms with them, but she was not so stubborn to think that they would not be essential in bringing this pretender god down. 

However, the Raven Queen was less than pleased when her champion suggested that she and Vecna were alike. “He is no kin to me,” she disagreed coolly, offended by the comparison. “He is…a tryer. He is a copycat. He ascends for selfish reasons, whereas I was merely following my destiny.” The goddess needed the half-elf to understand this. While she and the pretender may have ascended using the same method, their motives were drastically different. “He will be destroyed.”

Her champion requested that she lend him her power. 

“You have my blessing already,” the Raven Queen reminded him, placing a note of warning in her voice. While she was pleased to see that the half-elf’s confidence in her presence had grown, she did not appreciate arrogance. 

After questioning him further, the goddess learned what he really wanted of her. 

“We need to power trammels,” her champion explained. “The Dawnfather, the Knowing Mistress have contributed to our cause—to your cause—these seeds of power. I had hoped…you could offer the same.” 

The Raven Queen stared at him, and for the first time, felt a twinge of suspicion towards the half-elf. Searching his mind, she could not detect any ill will towards her, but her misgivings remained. Reaching out, the goddess took her champion by the shoulder and slowly turned him so that he faced her. “Am I to believe,” she began coldly, “that this is not some ploy to diminish my power and leave me vulnerable, to cast me from my seat?” 

The confusion that filled the half-elf’s face was reassuring. “I thought you knew me inside and out,” he protested. 

“I know you, but do you know them?” the Raven Queen asked. At his perplexed look, she elaborated, “Do you think I’ve been welcome since I entered this pantheon?” 

The goddess told her champion of the danger she posed to the creator gods, and how they would likely not hesitate to end her if they had the opportunity. From their perspective, she was barely better than Vecna, and they would love nothing better than to kill the two of them in one fell swoop. While the half-elf clearly had no intention of helping in this endeavor, he had met with the Dawnfather and the Knowing Mistress. They may have manipulated him into asking her for this boon—the one thing that would significantly weaken her and make her an easier target. 

“Well, it depends on you then,” her champion replied, glaring at her, “and how much you want this wretch taken down.”

He didn’t understand. The Raven Queen sighed to herself. Even though she had once been like him, she sometimes couldn’t comprehend why mortals were unable to see the world from her perspective. 

For a long moment, the goddess stared at her champion, trying to decide whether the risk was worth it. He looked right back at her unflinchingly. 

Finally, she made her choice. “I put my faith in you, my fate-touched,” the Raven Queen declared. “Do not forget that. And all I ask is you put all your faith in me.”

“You have it,” her champion replied grimly. 

So be it.


	9. Let's Never Speak of This Again

When the half-elf died for the third time, the Raven Queen met him in the place of waiting. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, both uncertain of what to say in this situation. 

Finally, her champion cleared his throat and asked, “So, did you see…?

“Yes.” She had been watching him closely ever since his last death. 

“Oh.” 

Another uncomfortable silence passed. The half-elf was studying his bare feet with a remarkably high level of intensity, while the goddess examined her threads of fate to ensure that they were all in order. 

After she checked them for a fourth time, her champion spoke again. “Sorry about that. I didn’t have many options, so…”

“I understand,” the Raven Queen replied immediately. 

The time ticked down…and ticked down…and ticked down…until finally, it was time for the half-elf to return to the mortal plane once more. 

Just before she sent him back, the goddess leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Do not do anything like that again.” 

Cheeks reddening, her champion muttered quickly, “I will certainly try, my lady,” before hurrying back to Vox Machina.


	10. Just Confidence

The moment it happened, the Raven Queen felt it. All of the gods felt it. Vecna, the pretender god, had been removed from the material plane and banished away, where he could no longer harm anyone. The goddess had been unable to watch the fight unfold, due to the foul fog that obscured the so-called god from view, but she witnessed the aftermath. With a rush, the clouds cleared away, and she gazed down onto the broken battlefield. Although the Raven Queen had taken many souls to the other side during this fight, there were much fewer than she had anticipated. She stared out at the vast field of unbroken threads in her domain and smiled to herself. Order had been restored. 

Vox Machina were remarkably unbroken as well, and the Raven Queen watched from a distance as they reunited with their friends. In particular, she observed the actions of her champion. He celebrated with the rest of his companions, but the goddess could feel the sadness emanating from his mind. As she watched him, she wondered to herself: did he feel that his sacrifice had been worth the cost? Of course, the Raven Queen knew the half-elf better than anyone, so she didn’t doubt that he would say it was worth it, if asked. But did he believe that? 

She wanted him to. She didn’t want him to cross over to the other side filled with regrets. 

So, instead of taking him immediately following the battle, the goddess decided to wait, to give him time to see the good he had done before he left this realm for hers. She observed as Vox Machina shared the news of Vecna’s defeat with others and received praise and thanks for their deeds. It was only after this that the Raven Queen felt comfortable collecting on the deal. 

She appeared to Vox Machina, and was not surprised by their reactions. Grief, outrage, pleading—she knew these mortal responses all too well. The goddess understood their feelings, and did what she could to comfort the half-elf’s found family, but she had no intention of taking back the deal. With power came a price, after all. 

In his last moments, her champion made her proud. Though saddened that he had to say goodbye, he never despaired or cursed her name, as other mortals often did. Instead, the half-elf bid farewell to his companions without fuss before turning back to face her, his resolve firm. The Raven Queen’s affection for him swelled at this response, so she decided to give him one more gift. As she created a temporary portal, she didn’t open it to her realm beyond the Divine Gate. There would be time for that later. Instead, the goddess opened the portal into the Fields of Elysium. Specifically, she focused it on one particular soul. 

Her champion walked towards her confidently, with no trace of the fear and bitterness that had overwhelmed him when they had first met. As he approached and saw who awaited him beyond the gate, his eyes widened and filled with tears. Grief and happiness mingled in his mind, and the Raven Queen smiled to herself, pleased with her decision.   
With that, Vax’ildan, Champion of the Matron of Ravens, walked into the afterlife. The Raven Queen escorted him to the other side, into the waiting arms of his mother, Elaina. They cried, and for once, the goddess turned her gaze away. 

Eventually, she would call her champion to her side. For now, though, the Raven Queen was content to leave him to his eternal rest.


End file.
